


Moving Forward, But Looking Back At You

by shadowfaerieammy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, M/M, Trans Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Trans Male Character, Trans William "Dex" Poindexter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23652283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowfaerieammy/pseuds/shadowfaerieammy
Summary: Will was a child, once, just like anyone else, and he had a best friend. He hasn't spoken to them in years, not since he sent them that final email in high school telling them he wouldn't be in contact anymore. It was the coward's way out, he knows, but he was terrified they may turn on him like the rest of his transphobic town did when his truth came out. He couldn't handle the possibility of his best friend, the person he believed could be his soulmate, abandoning him that way. So he abandoned them first.He has new friends now. A whole team that cares about him. Chowder, the sunshine on his rainy days. Nursey, the unlikely friend that he now can't imagine being without, someone he know probably isn't his soulmate but hopes desperately for anyway.There are many regrets in his heart, but he's moving forward, and sometimes that means looking back.
Relationships: Chris "Chowder" Chow/Caitlin Farmer, Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 23
Kudos: 98
Collections: Going Out With A Big Bang 2020





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the companion art for this fic! The art is of a moment in Chapter 7, so I'll post it in the notes there as well. It is absolutely gorgeous and the artist was a joy to work with!  
> https://willdexpoindexter.tumblr.com/post/615401338595115008/i-was-so-pleased-to-get-to-create-my-very-first

Will hardly remembers what it was like to have a best friend. He had one, but it was just once, and it was a long time ago. Years. He hasn't seen her in years, not since long before he realized that he was in fact a he.

Back then, they were a pair of girls too young to be home alone so their parents brought them to cooking class. Will's mom was the culinary instructor and normally Will would stay home with his older brother, but he was at a friend’s birthday party. With nobody left to watch the youngest Poindexter at home, Sharlene Poindexter brought the child with her to class. As long as they stayed in a seat out of the way, away from a lit burner, everything would be fine. And they were such a well-behaved child, so she wasn't too worried.

One of the students brought their own child, too, coincidentally on the same night. His daughter clung onto his leg and wouldn't let him leave without her, he explained with a laugh. She was sent to sit in the newly designated kids’ safety corner with the instructor's daughter, and that was that. It's easy to become friends when there is literally nothing else to do without getting in trouble.

Will still thinks about her a lot. They were the best of friends for years, from their elementary school meeting until the other girl had to move. Her parents got divorced in eighth grade and her mom got custody so she had to move with her when she got a new job in a new state. She promised to stay in contact.

A lot of friendships die that way, with a promise of communication that neither one delivers on.

The first few months they were fine. They sent emails and they were okay. For a while, the distance meant nothing.

Then, during Freshman year of high school, Will had a realization, and that realization changed a lot of things for him.

Will realized he was a boy. And although he accepted that openly, a lot of other people didn't.

His family still loved him. They didn't understand it, but they wanted to, and Will didn't mind explaining things to them because of that. But a lot of people didn't understand and didn't want to, and those people were very vocal. Vocal and violent. Suddenly, people were picking fights with him left and right, and he had to learn how to fight and argue quickly to defend himself. His mom, a gentle soul, taught him fighting was never the answer, but Will realized that philosophy isn't very helpful when someone else starts the fight and won't let it end without blood.

A lot of people suddenly hated Will, and he was afraid his friend would too. She seemed like a nice person, non-judgmental, but so did a lot of people before they raised their pitchforks.

So Will said goodbye. He sent her a final email, a simple thing saying things were getting rough at home and he wouldn't be able to get in contact again. He apologized. He knew it was the coward’s way out, but he felt better not knowing the truth of how she'd react. As a freshman, he was more worried about protecting himself that he was about hurting her.

Now that he's a senior and about to escape small-town Maine to go to college, he knows it was a stupid choice to make. He regrets it. But he can't turn back now, especially considering her response.

"Things are getting rough here, too," she told him in her final email. "I don't want to talk about why, but since this is our last time talking I guess it doesn't matter. Thank you for being my friend up until now. I'm rooting for you."

He wanted so badly to email her back, say that he's changed his mind and they'll be okay, but he didn't. His fingers lingered over the keyboard with an email composition box open over a dozen times before he made the decision to close the email account. This email was only for them, anyway, and he could reactivate it any time.

The account was gone, but the guilt was not. He hated himself for it. He believed, deep in his gut, that they might have even become soulmates once they turned eighteen.

He still hates himself for abandoning that world of possibilities, but it's time to move forward. He's starting college soon, and he's not sure how he feels about the people he's going to be on the hockey team with, but he has a good feeling about Samwell. At least here, hopefully he won't feel so alone. One in four, right?


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is now a student at Samwell and it's not as freeing as he had thought it would be.

Will knows he looks a lot different than he used to. He likes his hair short, just barely curling at the nape of his neck. He likes the muscle he gained from a strict exercise regime. He likes wearing jeans and a flannel without anyone asking why such a nice girl would dress like a boy. His skin is a comfortable home for him, now.

Sometimes it isn't so easy. He is always either the first or the last in the locker room, careful to keep himself hidden. There are secrets in his skin. He hides his scars under a well-worn flannel stolen from his dad and a short-fused temper he learned from intolerance.

Even here, at Samwell, at what was meant to be his safe haven, there is intolerance. Or, more specifically, there is Nursey.

Will doesn't want to hate Nursey. He doesn't want to hate anyone on the team. But Nursey is a major pain in the ass. Will left Maine in an attempt to escape people that would automatically judge him, but here's Derek Nurse, with his perfect face and his perfect grades and his perfectly contradictory asshole attitude. Every time they're together, he picks a fight, and Will fights back because there's nothing else he can do. This is his team as much as it is Nursey's and he's not going to let himself get pushed around.

He knows they go too far. He sees the expressions of worry and disappointment on their teammates faces. They have every right to feel both of those things. Will just wishes they didn't have to fight so much.

Then, Will goes home for the summer. It's his first time back home for a prolonged period of time and he realizes that, compared to the shit he deals with at home, his arguments with Nursey are nothing. He and his defense-partner argue about money and politics and everything between, but those are relatively harmless differences in opinion for them. It isn't the content that makes it an attack whenever Nursey argues with him, it's the attitude behind the words. He says shitty stuff sometimes, yeah, but at least it's about Will as a person. He calls Will selfish and pig-headed and arrogant, and sometimes he's even right, but he doesn't attack Will for things he can't control.

Well, aside from his big goofy ears (which were never an issue when he had a huge puff of curly hair to hide them) and his flaming red hair (a color people apparently think looks gorgeous long but ridiculous short). When Nursey, or anyone else, makes fun of those, it's a low blow. But at least those insults are typically reserved for chirping material and hardly ever said in a truly harsh way.

So Will decides, why bother? Fighting with Nursey is a waste of time and energy for everyone involved and everyone that bears witness to their spats. It's not worth it when there are better things Will could spend his energy on, schoolwork and friendship and hockey.

Nursey may be an asshole, but he plays great hockey. Will might as well make an attempt to get along with him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex is tired of fighting all the time. Nursey apparently does not feel the same.

Will stops trying to fight Nursey, but Nursey doesn't stop trying to fight Will. For every jab Will deflects, Nursey sends two more his way. It's almost as tiring as fighting back was.

The team wonders what's going on, he knows. They watch, and instead of scolding the both of them, they stare on in confusion. It must seem weird to see Will back down from a fight, since they don't know the Will before Samwell, before coming out, the Will that didn't need to fight.

"Why aren't you fighting Nursey anymore?" Bitty asks one morning at team breakfast. The table watches on, nodding their heads, waiting for an answer.

"I'm tired of fighting," Dex tells them truthfully. "He's nowhere near as bad as the people at home. This summer, I realized some things aren't worth fighting over. Not biphobic? Not transphobic? Not worth fighting. For me, I mean; I know there's a lot of other things worth fighting people over, but those are the main two I get in fights over, and anything else someone picks a fight with me about doesn't seem worth it."

"So queerphobia is taboo, but shit like racism isn't worth fighting to you?" Nursey argues from across the table, and Dex is so tired. He wishes that, even just once, Nursey wouldn't look for a deeper, darker meaning in Will's words and that he'd take what Will says at its honest face value.

He knows he doesn't have to explain. He doesn't owe it to anyone, especially Nursey. But the words bubble up like lava and he erupts, one last burst of energy before everything turns to stone.

"I just said that's not it!" he shouts, slamming his hands on the table, shaking plates and bottles of syrup. "I'm white. Most of the people back home are white. I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with racism like a lot of other people do. But being the openly bi and trans kid in town? I get a lot of shit for that." His voice lowers as he speaks, dwindling from a roar to a whisper, hardly audible, voice cracking. He didn't want it to come out this way, but Derek Nurse is so frustrating, and he's always assuming that since Will is white his life must be so easy. There's nothing easy about being bisexual and transgender in a tiny backwoods Maine town like his.

Will stands abruptly, knocking his chair down. "I gotta go," he croaks, running out the door and grabbing his bag on the way out.

Somehow, Derek Nurse always manages to mess up everything. Will hadn't even planned on coming out to the team, especially all at once. He was going to tell Chowder first, then maybe Bitty, work his way up to telling the rest of the team. He isn't ready for them to know.

But he can't take it back, so he moves forward.

It's funny how moving forward so often looks like running away.

Will needs to face his teammates eventually, but he needs time to cool down first, time to think. What is he supposed to say to them at a time like this?

Before he realizes it, Will is halfway to his dorm, but he isn't ready to go back there yet. Instead, he finds the nearest bench and slouches down into it. Maybe if he slouches far enough into himself he'll disappear.

"Hey."

Will startles, jumping in his seat to full height. He looks over at the voice, raspy and out of breath.

Standing there, in all his asshole-ish glory, is none other than Derek Nurse.

"Haven't you started enough fights for today?" Will asks, though it sounds more like a plea. He sinks down further into the bench. "I'm so tired."

He listens as Nursey sits next to him on the bench, causing it to tremble slightly as he sits. "I'm not going to start a fight this time, I swear. I'm here to explain."

Caught between indignant fury and curiosity, Will doesn't know if he should listen. Does he deserve an explanation? Probably. Does he need one? No. He just needs Nursey to stop.

"If you're going to keep fighting me, your explanation is useless."

"I won't keep fighting you. It's just, I think I understand better now."

"Understand, what?" Will barks, patience growing thin. "That I'm such an easy target because I'm trans? That, since I'm trans, of course I attract trouble?"

"That we're both defensive because we're trans," Nursey cuts in before Will can go on ranting.

And, oh. He didn't expect that. Finally, he looks up from the ground and looks at Nursey, who sits beside him. Nursey is slouched too, curling in on himself, curving his shoulders around himself like a wall to hide his chest.

Oh.

He should have recognized the posture sooner, the reflection of himself in Nursey's shoulders.

"I had to come out for Bitty to let me follow you," Nursey says to the ground. "He thought I was going to start another fight, and it was the only way I could assure him I wouldn't."

"You did start another fight, though," Will points out.

Nursey chuckles, a small pathetic puff that catches on itself. "That's true. I didn't mean to this time, though. An unintentional provocation."

A chuckle forces its way out of Will, surprising him. Of course, as an English major he'd break out the big words. "An unintentional provocation, I can forgive. The intentional ones, I'm not so sure."

"I'm not here for forgiveness. I'm here to give you an explanation and an apology. If you'll let me."

There's no harm in sitting here for a few more minutes listening to whatever tale he has to tell. Will has nowhere else to be at the moment, and at least this way hopefully he'll understand things better. He doesn't want to hate Derek Nurse. Maybe this explanation will help him with that.

When Nursey realizes Will isn't moving to leave, he breathes a sigh of relief and starts his explanation. Will watches his face as he speaks, but Nursey's eyes are trained on the ground.

"You were explaining why you didn't want to fight, and I picked a fight about it. It was a shit thing for me to do. I wasn't even really listening to you and I should have been, but all I heard was 'he's not worth it.'"

Will sighs. "It's not like that."

Nursey's head whips up, so quick that Will imagines it must hurt. Nursey meets his gaze, holds it, frantic. "I know," he rushes to say, flipping from anxious stillness to nervous gesticulation. This is the least chill Will has ever seen him. "I know. Instead of listening to what you were saying, I heard what I'm used to hearing."

"The problem isn't you, Nursey," Will admits, because he needs to say this as much as Nursey needs to hear it. "You piss me off all the time and pick fights with me, but you're not the problem. Do I wish you didn't flash your money and your fancy boarding school education while I grew up piss poor working extra hours under the table to afford my hockey gear? Yeah, but I shouldn't be blaming you for being better off than me. I'm so used to being around people picking fights that it's easier to accept the fight than wonder if it's worth fighting over."

It's a difficult thing for Will to admit, that he has a lot of hurt in his heart, but it's a truth they both need to know. A lot of the people he deals with back home are awful, and it's easy to assume the worst of people because of that, especially when someone is constantly starting fights. He knows Nursey isn't evil or bad. Nursey is a pain in the ass to Will, but he's fine with everyone else. Will has seen the good in him, just not aimed his way. Will knows there's good in Nursey. Nursey just needs to show it.

They sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes and Will considers leaving. If Nursey has nothing to say, then there's no reason to stay here. It feels as if something is building, though, sending an electric current through the air, so he stays. He waits for the lightning strike.

"I was so tired of everyone tip-toeing around me that fighting was a refreshing change," Nursey eventually says, breaking the silence like a clap of thunder. His voice is soft, a confessional whisper, the faintest flash in the night sky. He's vulnerable, and Will much prefers this Nursey to the shark-tongued one. "For a while, at least. But then it got out of hand, and it went on too long, and it stopped being refreshing. By then, I didn't know how else to act around you."

It makes sense, in a way. Just like Will had to break the habit of accepting fights, Nursey has to break the habit of picking fights. And he knows from experience that isn't easy. Something needs to happen to make you realize change is necessary.

Will doesn't understand why him being trans is the catalyst for this change.

"How does my being trans change anything?" he asks, because he wants to understand. 

"Because as the only half-black pan trans kid at a boarding school for primarily rich white kids, I understand the kind of bullshit you go through. You don't need your defense partner starting shit, too. I'm supposed to be the one person you can always count on, and I've let you down. So, here's the apology part; I'm sorry."

Being harassed by biphobes and transphobes sucks, and Will can't even imagine how much harder it might be given the extra layer of racism for Nursey. Will may be harassed regularly for being queer, but at least he doesn't have to face the systemic racism rampant in their country. He can pass as straight and cisgender, but Nursey can't hide the color of his skin.

Will slowly lifts a hand from his side and Nursey's eyes follow it as he places the hand on Nursey's shoulder. He smiles and, despite everything they have been through, every scathing remark that crawled its way under Will's skin, it is genuine. "I've got your back."

It's not forgiveness, but it's understanding, and for now it's enough.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship

Will and Nursey stop fighting, finally. They still chirp each other and bicker sometimes, because they are still two very different people with very loud opinions, but their remarks no longer have a bite behind them. Each chirp is sent with an underlying chuckle or a lopsided grin. Nursey doesn't aim to hurt Will with his words anymore.

They actually agree with each other sometimes now, and they even willingly spend time together on the odd occasion. They talk about how sucky the concept of play-off beards makes them feel since they can't grow them yet. Nursey helps Will with an English essay when he gets fed up enough to throw the required reading at the wall, nearly smashing Nursey's face when he enters the Haus living room. They learn to not only tolerate each other but to enjoy each other's company.

Chowder is thrilled.

"I'm so happy you two are friends now!!" he says at least once a week, slinging his arms around the shoulders of his two best friends. His hold on Will is always tight and Will feels cherished in these moments.

"Me too," Nursey always replies, a smile spread across his lips. In those moments, his chill is long gone, buried under the comforting blanket of friendship.

Will remembers what it's like to have a best friend, and it's beautiful. It's pillow forts and helping each other with homework and speaking through expressions instead of words.

He likes to think he's gotten pretty good at reading Nursey and Chowder. He's memorized every crease of the brow and crinkle of the nose. Their different types of laughs. Will can tell if they're happy or angry or confused.

That's how Will knows something's going on when, one day, Nursey watches him with confusion in the Haus kitchen.

It's after team breakfast, and Will and Nursey were roped into doing the dishes. Will doesn't remember the reasoning, but he gave in pretty easily since he has nothing else to do for the moment and he likes being useful. He washes while Nursey dries, and they work alongside one another in silence. Or as much silence as there ever is in the Haus. It's comfortable.

Will starts to hum. This song has been stuck in his head since he heard it this morning listening to his morning playlist while he got ready for the day as he always does. He tries not to hum much around people because he knows how annoying it can be at times, but the Haus is peaceful and he's in a good mood. He isn't very loud, but he must be loud enough for Nursey to hear, because when Will turns to look at him he finds Nursey staring.

"What?" Will asks. He may not hum in front of people often, but it doesn't seem like something worth staring about.

Nursey gives his head a small shake. "Nothing, your voice just sounds familiar."

"We've been teammates for over a year now; I hope my voice is familiar," Will jokes, bumping his shoulder into Nursey's while he continues washing dishes.

"That's not what I meant," Nursey replies, voice exasperated. Frustrated, but not at Will. "Your singing voice. And the song, too, maybe. I don't know."

Will shrugs. It wouldn't make any sense for Nursey to recognize his voice since he's never sung around him, so it's probably a mix-up. A simple mistake. He goes on with his day and forgets about it.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dibs flip happens. It doesn't go well.

Will needs dibs.

Living in the Haus would be less expensive than living in a dorm, which would cut down the amount of student loan money he'd need moving forward. He has scholarships, but they don't cover everything, so this cut to his costs would be a huge help.

And he deserves dibs, he thinks. He's done a lot of work on the Haus to keep it standing. He's fixed stairs and walls and appliances. Bitty wouldn't be able to cook if it weren't for Will fixing the oven every other week. No Will, no oven, no pie.

He assumed that, with Lardo's room and the attic opening up, he'd be offered a spot somewhere.

He was wrong.

It's sheer luck that he hears the attic is gone and that Lardo's is the only room open. It's luck that Bitty came by at just the right time to announce a dib flip, because if he hadn't, Will knows Lardo would have picked Nursey. It's a mix of luck and cruel fate that the coin lands upright in the crack between two floorboards.

The problem isn't Nursey.

Not that he says that in the moment. When the verdict of the flip comes in, all he can do is plead. He can't share a room. He needs privacy and silence, things he can't get if he's sharing this relatively small room with someone. At least the attic is made for two people.

Dibs flips are final; he's sharing a room with Nursey.

Nursey makes a joke about Will moving out quickly, and it cuts deep. Will's finances need this, but everything else about him is screaming no.

In the aftermath of the dibs flip, Will and Nursey don't talk for a while. Will doesn't know what to say to Nursey, what explanations or apologies, so he avoids him instead. Will thought he needed quiet, but this is too much quiet. He's become accustomed to having Nursey around, chattering at all times. He's not keen to admit it, but he misses Nursey.

Nursey must realize Will needs space because he lets Will avoid him. Or maybe he's hurt at the way Will acted and he's avoiding Will back, which Will would understand; he's sure he'd be upset too if they'd been in each other’s places. Will acted like a jerk and Nursey didn't deserve it.

They need to talk about it eventually, but Will keeps avoiding Nursey so he has time to figure out what to say. Then the end of the year rolls along and Will still doesn't know what to say and now it feels too late. It feels like he's lost his chance to fix things with his defense partner.

Then the time comes for people to start leaving campus, and they're both in the Haus for the last time of the school year, and Nursey smiles like he forgives him.

"Have a nice summer, man," he tells Will on the front porch, summer sun shining down on him. He glows. Will realizes, not for the first time, that Nursey is gorgeous.

"Wait!" Will shouts, dropping his bag from his shoulder so he can lunge to grab Nursey's arm. Since they've been avoiding each other for weeks, and they were fighting during the warm part of the fall semester, Will thinks this may be the first time they've touched skin aside from their hands. He drops his grip quickly.

Nursey's smile twitches, losing its shape. It has taken the form of uncertainty. Will realizes Nursey has been smiling at him like this for weeks. He waits, though, giving Will the opportunity to speak.

"I'm sorry. About the dibs flip, and about ignoring you," Will says to his shoes. Now that he has Nursey's attention, he doesn't know what to do with it. "I didn't know what to say so I wanted to wait until I had the right words so I wouldn't screw up. But the right words never came, maybe there are no right words, and I kept waiting. Eventually, I realized I was taking too long, and you probably wouldn't want to hear whatever explanation I came up with anyway."

"What is it?"

Will shifts his gaze up, just enough to see Nursey's face. His smile is still off, but it reaches his eyes now, glowing pale green. "What is what?"

"What's the explanation?" Nursey elaborates, tone playful, close to a chirp. He doesn't hate Will yet. Will still has a chance.

He takes a deep breath and prepares himself to be vulnerable right here on the Haus porch where anyone could walk by at any moment. The thought psyches him out more and Will isn't sure he can do this.

A warm hand grips Will's shoulder and he looks up into Nursey's eyes. They glow a goldish green in the sun’s rays. "It's just me, Dex."

Will can do this because it's Nursey. Nursey, one of his best friends. Nursey, the person who worked so hard to gain Will's trust after they became tentative friends at the beginning of the year. Months ago, back in fall, Nursey wouldn't trust him for anything off the ice, but now he thinks he would trust him with anything. Nursey proved himself, so Will can do the same.

"I'm afraid of sharing the space," he confesses, taking a step back to shake off Nursey's hand and dropping his gaze again. If he's going to say what he needs to say, it can't be done watching Nursey's reaction. If he sees what Nursey feels before he finishes, he's not sure he'll be able to get the words out. "I need a lot of quiet time and space, or I get frustrated all the time."

"Even more than usual?" Nursey jokes to cut the tension, but it falls flat because he's right.

"Freshman year I had a roommate. It didn't go great. That's why I have a single this year." Even though it was a significant punch to his student loan bill, something he can't afford. Thinking back on how different the past year has been, Will doesn't regret that decision.

"Oh."

"Anyway," Will says, trying to pull the conversation back to the original topic before he loses his nerve, "the dibs flip thing wasn't about you. It's not about rooming with you, it's about rooming with anyone. I'm not good at that."

"But we're best friends."

Will's heart thumps hearing Nursey say those words. “We're” means present tense, still occurring. He hasn't written Will off yet. The reassurance is what helps Will change his mind.

"You're right. We're best friends, and you didn't deserve the way I acted. I'm sorry. I'd love to be your roommate, if you're still okay sharing."

There will be hurdles, he knows. They bicker often and Nursey's constant chattering will get in the way of Will's need for silence. But they'll figure all that out when it comes up.

The hand on Will's shoulder pulls away, and at first Will thinks he screwed up, but then he hears the thump of a bag falling and the feel of arms wrapping around him. The grip is tight, but not in a painful way. Comforting. A friend that's glad to have settled a fight.

"I'd love to be your roommate, Will."

A shiver ripples down Will's spine at the sound of Nursey calling him by name for the first time. They're okay. They'll be okay.

He breathes a sigh of relief and relaxes into the hug.

They both have plans, so they can't stand there hugging all day. When he pulls away, Will swears he sees a dim shimmering glow where they touched, but it must be an illusion of the sun because it is gone when Will blinks. They part ways on the Haus porch with genuine smiles instead of uncomfortable forced ones, and they promise to text over the summer. Will won't have much time between working on the boat and in the diner, but he'll make time to keep his promise. Poindexters always do their best to keep their word.

It doesn't seem like it will be the most exciting summer, but at least now Will has something, someone, to look forward to.

When his mom asks him the first night home why he's smiling at his phone, all he says is that a teammate texted him. He doesn't say which teammate, or what they texted, but he knows the happiness in his face gives it away.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living together isn't easy. They try their best, but it doesn't go well.

They knew living together would come with issues, but Will hadn't imagined things would be this hard. It's a lot of little things at first: Nursey leaving his underwear all over the place, him playing his music loud enough for Will's ears to pick up. They were little things, but they bothered Will enough to create a thick tension between them.

Then Nursey gets injured, and everything becomes much worse. A sport injury, he calls it. Bullshit. He hurt himself falling off a rink gate that he shouldn't have sat on in the first place. Because of his carelessness, Will is hardly going to get any in-game ice time until he recovers. And all Nursey has to say about it is "chill."

He talks about his "sport injury" like it's nothing, like it isn't the kind of thing that could lose a kid like Will his scholarship. Like it wouldn't be life changing. Like it isn't one of Will's biggest fears.

But of course he doesn't say all that; he's too scared to. So he bottles it up and lets it fester until one day it's too much. Nursey leaves his clothes everywhere and constantly asks Will for help even when he's busy and there's a moldy slice of abandoned pie under Will's bunk. He builds walls around his bunk, an attempt to create his own little safe space, the thing he told Nursey that he needed in the beginning. He adds locks and soundproofing and he's finally alone in silent peace.

Then, somehow, Nursey gets in, and Will is done. Finished. If Nursey can't respect his personal space, then he can't share a room with him anymore.

Will makes himself a new home in the basement, abandoning his friend. Or, at least, that's what it feels like. It feels like abandonment and betrayal, especially with the way Nursey looks at him like a kicked puppy, but he had to do this. He reminds himself that his health, both physical and mental, needs to be his top priority. Nursey is his friend, and he cares about him, maybe more than he'd like to admit, but Will's first priority needs to be Will.

This time, he doesn't avoid Nursey. He does his best to act the same as always. But Nursey always looks so tired and sad that Will decides that maybe some time apart would be best for them. Just like the end of the last semester, Will starts to ignore Nursey.

It lasts all of two days before there's a knock on the door of Will's basement bungalow. The timing isn't great since Will is crying from how awful it feels to be so estranged from his friend again, but he answers the door anyway. He wipes his face on some paper towels, rough on his sensitive skin, and opens the door knowing he looks like shit.

Nursey stands on the other side of the door, not much of a surprise. He fidgets, shifting from foot to foot, uncomfortable. Unchill. "Hey, Dex," he says, voice small, though it echoes loudly on the basement walls. "Can we talk?"

"Now's not a good time," Will says. He doesn't have anything planned, but he knows that the slightest thing will bring the tears back.

Nursey looks into Will's eyes, gaze greyer than green in the dark of the basement, but there is an obvious glisten Will knows must be present in his eyes, too. "Will, please," he whispers.

Will sighs, defeated. He leaves the door open for Nursey and takes a seat on his bed. It's implied that Nursey should come in, even though there's nowhere for him to really sit aside from beside Will on the bed, but he stays in the doorway.

"I'm sorry for invading your space," he tells Will from too far away. "I shouldn't have gone into your bunk without permission. I didn't realize the extent of what I did until Chowder told me. And you're right, I shouldn't have been throwing my underwear everywhere. Just because they were out of sight didn't mean it was okay for them to be all over the room. And it wasn't fair of me to rely on you so much without asking first if that was okay. I was an ass, and that wasn't very chill of me."

"You're never chill," Will jokes through the tears bubbling up in his throat. He's about to start crying and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

Nursey lets out a watery chuckle of his own. "You're right, I'm not. But it's easier than letting everyone know how much of a mess I am."

Will chuckles again, and it devolves into a sob, then he's bawling. There's no hiding how much of a mess he is.

Under the sound of his weeping, Will hears Nursey enter the room and shut the door behind him. Good; this means their Hausmates will be less likely to hear Will's breakdown.

"Things were shit over the summer, and I was so stressed when I got back. I love my family, but I don't know how I'm supposed to keep going back." He's not sure how to explain, so he lets the words cascade out, lets his feelings tell the story, even if the way he explains them isn't quite coherent. "I came back stressed, and every little thing felt like a big thing, and it was too much." His eyes focus on Nursey's cast and he scoffs. "The worst part was your stupid injury. A sports injury for you is a mild inconvenience. For me, it would ruin everything. Sports injury means no hockey, no scholarship, no college. I'd be stuck in Maine forever working on a fishing boat and in a diner, barely scraping by. Working hard and wanting something isn't always enough."

There's nothing left for Will to say. Maybe he should have explained all of this in the beginning. He probably should have, if only to avoid all this drama. Trusting people, even Nursey, is still difficult. He said it now, though, and hopefully that will be enough.

"I should have noticed something was wrong," Nursey mumbles.

"I should have told you something was wrong." Will wipes his face on another of those awful scratchy paper towels and clears his throat. "We need to work on our communication more."

They agree, but change isn't that simple. They have to work for it.

The boys grin at one another, faces teary and smiles awkward. Will thinks they're going to be okay.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex is happy alone. Really.

Will doesn't look for his soulmate like many people do. If he's honest with himself, he thinks he already met them years ago and lost that chance.

Instead, he's content watching his friends fall in love. In Chowder and Farmer's case, he did more than watch, and he was the impetus for their meeting. He considers it one of his biggest accomplishments.

He's not looking, but sometimes he wonders. Maybe the girl from his childhood wasn't his soulmate. Maybe someone else is. Someone else Will considers a best friend.

But that's ridiculous, so he pushes the thought away and reminds himself that he's content on his own.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's family weekend. Dex assumes it would be a lot better if family were actually around for it. With a friend keeping him company, though, it's not so bad.

Will doesn't move back upstairs with Nursey, because they recognize that their needs don't mesh well, but they stop acting weird around each other.

Actually, Nursey starts acting weird in a different way. He's kinder than he's ever been, saving Will the seat beside him in the dining hall and bringing him Annie's once or twice a week.

And Will starts acting weird in reaction to him. He actually accepts the drinks Nursey brings him, taking them for the olive branch they are instead of the financial flaunt he used to think they were. He fixes Nursey's desk chair when he finds out it wobbles. He saves Nursey the last slice of pie when he realizes Nursey's last class won't let out till long after everyone else's.

They're best friends, but it also feels like more than that. Will isn't sure what, but it makes his face heat to think about it.

It's something he thinks about in the moments when the world seems to close in around them, not like a cage, but like the gentle embrace of a pillow fort, the same kind they occasionally make with Chowder.

There is no Chowder to make a pillow fort with when family weekend comes around. He, like everyone else on the team, is spending time with family.

Everyone except for Will and Nursey.

Will knew his family wasn't going to come because they never do. His brother and mother can't afford to take the time off or spend all that money on traveling. Being alone on family weekend is normal for him.

This is the first time he's realized it's normal for Nursey too.

He doesn't realize Nursey is in the Haus with him, otherwise empty with everyone else out to dinner with their families, until Will goes to the kitchen to cook and finds Nursey at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal. And he's attempting to eat the cereal with a fork.

"Why are you eating that with a fork?" Will asks, walking around him to get to the sink. Surely enough, there's a mountain of plates with spoons in the sink from when Bitty greeted everyone with pie. Everyone was so caught up in seeing their families that they hadn't considered who would do the dishes or when. Will takes the duty upon himself because, even if he can't have fun with his family this weekend, everyone else should.

"It seems like you already figured it out," Nursey mumbles with the fork and cereal filling his mouth. Gross.

"You could have cleaned yourself a spoon," Will gripes, rolling his sleeves up and organizing the dirty dishes into easy to clean sections: cutlery, plates, anything needed for him to make dinner, and miscellaneous stuff that can wait till later for him to wash. He starts with spoons for Nursey's sake.

"Didn't feel like it."

Will washes a spoon and tosses it, still dripping water, onto the kitchen table. "Use a damn spoon before you stab yourself with that." He takes a quick glance over his shoulder, just long enough to watch Nursey put down the fork and pick up the spoon.

"Thanks, man."

"No problem. I'm cleaning them anyway."

"You shouldn't. Did you even use any of those?"

Will stares into the sink and realizes, no, not a single one of these dishes is his. He hadn't even gotten a slice of pie from the array Bitty made for the families. "No," Will replies, continuing with the dishes anyway, "I didn't. But everyone should be able to have fun with their families without worrying about something stupid like doing the dishes. I have nothing better to do anyway."

"No family coming?" Nursey inquires, tone curious but cautious, toeing the careful line constantly vibrating between them, ready to draw tight and trip one of them up.

"They never do. My mom can't afford taking the time off work, and my brother can't fit the travel costs into his already tight graduate student budget." He explains it like it's a fact instead of a disappointment.

He's surprised, even though he shouldn't be given where Nursey currently is, when Nursey says "My family never comes either. They don't have the time."

Will has to stop what he's doing with his hands for a moment to process. He'd never noticed. He never had reason to, since they weren't really friends yet until after family weekend last year. They didn't live in the same building their first two years, so Will wouldn't have noticed Nursey on family weekend either way, whether his family came or not. Will likes to hole up in his room and get ahead on projects during family weekend to smother the homesickness.

"What're your plans, then?" Will asks, returning to his task. He picks up a bowl caked in pie goo and starts to scrub.

"Same as always," Nursey mumbles around a spoonful of cereal. Still gross, but at least he's using the right cutlery now. "Cereal and sitcoms. Maybe Indian food tomorrow since I'm craving curry, but mainly cereal."

It's sad. Will doesn't pity Nursey, because Nursey neither wants nor needs his pity, and also Will is in the same boat, but it's sad. Nursey deserves more than cereal and sitcoms during family weekend. Will deserves more than doing dishes so others can spend time with their families while he's stuck alone.

It's an easy decision to make, hardly a decision at all. He barely needs to think about it before he drops the dish in his hands back into the sink and rinses the suds from his hands.

"We're making our own plans," Will says, rounding the table to sit across from Nursey, who sits with his mouth gaping and cereal spilling out. Will wrinkles his nose in disgust. "Gross, stop that."

Nursey's jaw snaps shut but he stares. The kitchen light gives his eyes a faint yellowish tint.

"Your family may not have the time, but I do, so you're stuck with me." With an awkward smile, Will adds on, "It can be a different type of family weekend. D-men are family, too. I'm your family whether you want me to be or not."

When Nursey's face loses the deer in headlight expression, his features relax. He sends Will a soft smile that makes his chest hurt with how vulnerable it is. "Thanks, Dex."

In moment like this, Will wonders. The thought only lives for a moment before the rational part of Will's mind grinds it into dust and sweeps it into a corner. He needs to do something, anything, to move his thoughts to something else.

They're in a kitchen, so what better to do than cook.

Will swoops in and steals Nursey's spoon from his hand, empty on its way back into the bowl. Nursey squawks and it makes Will chuckle. "Come on, we're making real food for dinner."

Nursey groans. "That's so much work."

"Not if you know what you're doing."

Nursey quirks a brow skeptically. "And you do? I've never seen you in the kitchen cooking."

Will shrugs. "You never looked." He doesn't practically live in the kitchen like Bitty, but he's spent his fair share of time in here. While living in dorms he mainly used the student kitchens, though, to stay out of Bitty's way, especially during exam seasons. Now that he's living in the Haus, he cooks in the kitchen at least once a week, but nobody aside from Bitty has seemed to notice. Nobody has said anything, at least, which speaks for itself because his hausmates would love for someone else to cook for them when Bitty can't. Will could have offered long ago, but then people would expect it of him all the time, and he doesn't want to deal with that. So he lets people assume that the time he spends in the kitchen is for literally anything else because he doesn't need another responsibility on his shoulders.

"Are you sure you can cook?" Nursey asks, though he stands from the table anyway and gets rid of his bowl of cereal.

"I'm sure. Otherwise, I should quit my standing diner job for school breaks. I doubt they want someone that can't cook working in the kitchen." Will doesn't bother watching the surprise he knows will be on Nursey's face. He turns his attention to the fridge and cabinets, cataloging their inventory and running through recipes in his head. They have all sorts of ingredients for baking because of Bitty, and the freezer is always stocked with bacon for team breakfast so he doubts they'll miss a pack. "How does bacon and pancakes sound?"

"It sounds like team breakfast."

"Well, if you can scrounge up ingredients, I can make whatever you want tomorrow," Will tells him, knowing full well Nursey will jump at the chance for home-cooked food, just like everyone else on the team does. "But for now, it's pancakes and bacon." He leans in close to Nursey, who stands by the sink, and whispers into his ear. "Don't tell anybody this, but my pancakes are at least as good as Bitty's."

Nursey gasps, loud and exaggerated. "You did not just blaspheme in his kitchen!"

Will just nods along. "I did. Blueberries or chocolate chips?"

"Both."

"Both would be gross. I'm doing chocolate chip."

Will gets to work on the pancake mix, from scratch, just the way his mom taught him. He could make pancakes blindfolded if he had to, it's so ingrained into his being. It was the first thing his mom taught him how to make, and every time he makes them, he's filled with nostalgia.

While he's mixing the batter, he notices some bananas on the counter. If he's going to cook anyway, he might as well add another thing. Nursey must not notice a thing Will is doing, because when Will sets down a plate of chocolate chip pancakes with caramelized bananas, Nursey seems incredibly confused.

"What's this?"

"Breakfast for dinner," Will explains obnoxiously, knowing that's not what Nursey is asking. He sets down his own plate and grabs a glass of water to go with it.

"Well duh, Poindorkster" Nursey replies, mouth already full of food. Will doesn't understand how he, and half the team, never learned to eat with their mouths closed. "But what's this stuff on the pancakes?"

"Caramelized bananas. How are the pancakes?" Will sits down across from Nursey with his glass and plate. There's caramel all over Nursey's chin and Will resists the urge to grab a napkin and wipe it off.

Nursey glances around, a cautious sweep of the area, before he leans close to whisper. "Ask me when we're not in Bitty's kitchen. I swear, the walls are listening."

Will shrugs; he wouldn't be surprised if Bitty set up surveillance in his precious kitchen. A quick look around proves the presence of at least one security camera in the room. He's probably going to get an earful from Bitty later if any of the surveillance devices picked up his earlier pancake quality comment. He didn't insult Bitty at all, but he did insinuate his pancakes might be better, which may be just as bad. Bitty is known for his pies, but nothing champions the deliciousness and novelty of team breakfasts.

"After food we can make a pillow fort and watch movies?" Will suggests after a few mostly silent minutes of eating. "I hide a bag of popcorn kernels in my room. We can make fresh popcorn. You can throw whatever disgusting shit you want on it."

"Cinnamon on popcorn isn't disgusting!" Nursey argues, spewing bits of bacon all over the table. Maybe Will shouldn't engage while he's eating. "And I can't believe you've been holding out on me. Fresh popcorn!"

"It's my emotional support popcorn."

"Maybe I need emotional support popcorn."

"I know, that's why I'm sharing. But just this once."

They share the popcorn. Will pops it himself and makes Nursey wait in the living room so he doesn't somehow ruin it. Not that it matters, since he ruins it with cinnamon and chocolate syrup after. He even adds rainbow sprinkles. Why do they have rainbow sprinkles?

Will also builds the pillow fort in Nursey's room (previously his and Nursey's room, he remembers with a sting) himself because he doesn't trust Nursey to do it properly. Will doesn't want it collapsing on their heads in the middle of a movie. He makes sure it's stable before allowing Nursey in.

Nursey carries his laptop. Will carries both bowls of popcorn. They set up in the cozy space sitting shoulder to shoulder, intimately close, and turn on a movie. It doesn't matter what movie. Will knows he won't remember it after. He simply basks in the comfort of the moment. It's so much better than how he expected his night to go.

He'll have to fix that wonky basement step eventually, but for tonight he takes a break.

Will awakes in the morning to voices muttering, though they're muffled by sleep and the blanket fort. Will stifles a yawn and looks over at Nursey, seemingly still asleep. He moves carefully and tries not to wake him as he climbs out of their cozy cave.

Standing next to the cave are Chowder and Farmer, smiling awkwardly at him.

"Hey Dex!" Chowder shouts in greeting, as he is prone to do.

Will holds a finger to his lips in a signal to shut the fuck up. Chowder nods his head vigorously and walks backwards through the bathroom door, pulling Farmer with him. Will follows and shuts the door behind them.

"Hey. Did you need something?" he asks in a whisper once they're out of the room.

"We just wanted to say hi before we head out to eat with our families," Chowder replies, trying his best to be quiet. His words come out in a normal conversational tone, so Will counts it as a win considering how loud and excitable his best friend is.

"We were up late watching movies. He probably won't be up for a while." He digs his phone out of his sweatpants pocket and checks the time. Way too early for Nursey after a late night. He pockets the phone and looks up at his friends. "We'll see you later. Don't worry about it."

"What're you going to do?" Farmer asks, a sly smile that Will doesn't trust dancing on her lips.

"Food and Mariokart, probably," Will says with a shrug, not mentioning that the food will be made by him and not ordered in.

"I'm glad you two are getting along." Chowder says this all the time, at least once a week, but this time something about how he says it is different. Maybe it's the muted tone, or the delicate smile. Usually he grins wide, but this time his smile is a small lopsided curve.

"I'm glad too," Will admits, knowing he has the same stupid soft smile, maybe even a softer one. The ways he's been smiling at Nursey has changed recently and he's not sure he's ready to think about it yet. He'll deal with that when there isn't a still-sleeping Nursey waiting for him in a pillow fort. Will secretly hopes this isn't the only time this will happen.

Chowder and Farmer leave, hugging him before they go. When they're pulled close, Chowder confides how scared he is for his family to meet his soulmate, and Will whispers to him that if they don't love Farmer then they're the only people in the world. He blushes pink and, behind him, Will watches as a purplish tint takes over Farmer's face in the same place. What a sweet soulmark to have.

Every pair of soulmates has a different connection, and for a moment Will wonders what his could be, but then Chowder is pulling away from the hug and Will is returned to the moment.

After he takes a piss and plugs his phone into Nursey's charger, Will crawls back into the pillow fort and falls back asleep next to Nursey. His internal clock will regret it, but sometimes the little things are worth the trouble.

He awakes again to the sound of muffled laughter and the flash of a camera in his face, then a muffled "Oh shit."

Will opens his eyes to see Nursey awake and pointing his phone at him.

"What're you doing?" Will yawns, leaning forward to stretch his arms so he doesn't hit the ceiling of their fort and risk sending it tumbling down.

"Trying to take photos of you with snapchat filters?" Nursey answers, though he says it more like a question. He's still fiddling with his phone, probably trying to turn the flash off.

"And that couldn't wait till I woke up, why?"

"Because you wouldn't let me?"

Will groans and rolls his shoulders, wincing when they crunch. Sleeping sitting up was a shitty idea, but it wasn't like he intended to fall asleep on the floor in a pillow fort. He'd intended to get up eventually and head to bed, but once the sleepiness hit it seemed like such a nice idea to sleep in the comfy cozy nest. Nursey'd already fallen asleep anyway and Will would have felt bad leaving him to sleep like that alone. Excuses, he knows, but acknowledging that won't banish the crick in his neck.

"I would if you asked instead of making assumptions."

Nursey's face lights up, and Will feels sick.

He lets Nursey take as many stupid photos as he wants. Nursey is ecstatic. Will is exhausted and ready for the sweet embrace of sleep even though he just woke up.

It's worth it to see Nursey smile like that, though.

And Will does make Nursey lunch after they make a quick run to the murder Stop N Shop. He lets Nursey help, allowing him to stir a pot and touch nothing else. Under no circumstances is he allowed to touch anything but that spoon.

He swats a hand at Will just to be a little shit, and it makes them both laugh.

Will makes a, according to Nursey's expression, surprisingly good curry. He could explain that he learned to cook from his mom the culinary instructor but there's no fun in that. As a joke, he insists it was Nursey's stirring that really made the dish. He expects Nursey to go along with the joke, say something about how great he is.

"Nah, it was all you," Nursey says in reply to the joke, surprising Will. "Thanks for the food, man. And the company."

"Oh." Will's not sure he can handle genuinely kind Nursey, no facade of chill in sight to shield Will. He's getting weaker and weaker to Nursey each day. He should probably talk to someone about this at some point. "Uh, no problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art time! The companion art for this fic for the event is the depiction of a scene in this chapter, so now is the perfect time to check it out if you haven't already!  
> https://willdexpoindexter.tumblr.com/post/615401338595115008/i-was-so-pleased-to-get-to-create-my-very-first


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wishes the whole soulmate connection thing wasn't such a pain to figure out. Not everyone gets matching blush obviously across their face like Chowder and Farmer. The lucky jerks.

Will is screwed. If he and Nursey were soulmates, they would have figured it out by now, right? They've known each other for nearly three years and Will hasn't seen a single sign, aside from his own hope, that they might have a connection.

He needs to talk to someone about this.

There's nobody at Samwell he can talk to about this because he knows his friends would try to meddle no matter how much he begs them not to. He can't talk to his mom about it, even though he trusts her to be tactful about the whole thing, because he'd feel bad adding something else to her plate. She must be stressed enough working two jobs without having to worry about her younger son's boy troubles. His brother would be no help since, as an aromantic, he doesn't really do the whole romance thing.

There's one person he wants to talk to about this, and he has no idea if they'll want to talk to him.

Will, sitting in his basement bungalow with blankets wrapped tightly around him, wiggles out of his cocoon to grab his laptop. He flips the top open and boots up his favorite web browser. He types the domain for an email site. He searches through the website until he finally finds the Reactivate Account option. It's been years, but he remembers the email and password. He regains access no issue. A service email comes in to welcome him back.

There is one contact in his list. He clicks on it and writes a letter long overdue.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long overdue email.

Dear friend,

I'm sorry. I know it's been a long time. I know I said I wouldn't contact you again.

I don't know who else to talk to about this.

Things have changed a lot since I last saw you so many years ago. You might not even remember me. You probably don't have this email account anymore, or maybe you deactivated it like I did mine. It's a slim chance you'll read this.

But you're my best friend, and there's nobody else I can think to turn to right now.

First, I need to say sorry. I want to explain. I'm a different person than I used to be, literally.

In high school, when I sent you that email, it was because I had recently come out as transgender and I was receiving a lot of backlash for it. I was afraid you might react negatively, too, so I was afraid to tell you. I would have rather cut you off without explanation in fear than tell you the truth and trust you to stay my friend. I should have trusted you but so many people had turned on me and I was afraid. Terrified. I didn't want to lose you like that. I was a monster so used to running from torches that I started to mistake your candle for the same. 

I'm not much of a poet anymore. I know you liked that about me, but I ran out of optimism quickly once things changed, and my writing wasn't healthy anymore. I didn't have any warm words left to write, just a fiery frustration that made my mind hazy. I started venting that with hockey, and I'm actually on a college hockey team now, and it really helped me. This team has helped me.

I wish someone had helped me sooner so I wouldn't have made the mistake of pushing you away. This isn't the first time I've been tempted to reactivate this account and reach out to you, but it took me this long to feel comfortable doing it.

I'm sorry. You were my best friend and I failed you. I failed myself with this, too. There's no guarantee you'll see this. There's no guarantee you'll want to read it if you do see it. But there's nobody else I feel comfortable talking to about this.

Growing up, I genuinely believed we were going to be soulmates. Who knows, it might even be true.

But at Samwell I've met someone that, despite knowing he probably isn't my soulmate because I haven't noticed a connection, I want to be my soulmate. I want him to be my soulmate now just as much as I hoped you'd be my soulmate then.

My defense partner on the hockey team, Derek, is a pain in the ass. He's clumsy and we bicker all the time. For the first year and a half we knew each other, he constantly started fights. And I fought back for that first year until I realized that I did not need to be the surface he struck his match on. I know I sound ridiculous; I don't really talk like this anymore, but you always brought out the poetry in me. He's a poetry major, which I think you'd appreciate. Though maybe not, since you didn't seem to like poetry much unless it was me talking about it.

Anyway, he and I are friends now and I have my first crush since you. I always thought my crush on you was obvious, but if you didn't know, I'm sorry this is how you find out. I'm sorry that this is how you're learning a lot of things about me, things that I should have said to you directly, some of them long ago.

I wanted you to know that I'm moving forward. And I'm hoping you can move forward with me. If you see this, if you decide to read it and don't hate me by the end, email me back. I'd love to know how you're doing. Hopefully you've found people to help you move forward, too. For us, I hope, moving forward doesn't keep us from looking back.

Your friend,

William Poindexter


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Email sent.

The email sends successfully, which gives Will hope. His friend didn't deactivate their email account. He hopes they still check it.

He downloads an extra email app on his phone and links it to that account, turns notifications on. If he gets a reply, he'll know immediately.

It doesn't ding that day, or the next. Not for several days after that.

But he doesn't mind waiting. It's the least he owes them.


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want to go home for summer break.

Summer break is drawing near and Will is heavily debating staying at the Haus. He loves his family, but he's not sure he can handle two full months back home. Winter break was shortened by games, so he only got to spend a few days at home, and that was tolerable. He only really had time to hang out with his family at home, and he hardly went out. Short-term is manageable. But long-term? Last summer nearly broke him. He can't do that again.

He's lounging on the Haus living room couch, staring up at the ceiling and considering repainting some rooms during break, when Nursey storms in with a flurry of papers flying around him, escaping from the notebooks and folders clutched loosely to his chest. He is ranting, voice almost loud enough to be a yell, tone frustrated and absolutely done.

"I'm having such a trash day! I got a C on a test I thought I aced, my bag broke and sent everything flying everywhere, and on top of that my mom called while I was trying to not lose all of my final exam notes!" He yells as he strides into the room, stopping by the couch. When he sees Will lounging on the couch, he pauses in his rant. "Sorry," he says. He lowers himself to the floor and sits with his back leaning against the couch, papers and folders lying in his lap. "How was your day, man?"

They had a talk at some point about the importance of communication, and the importance of realizing that sometimes other people are having shit days, too, and you should make sure they have the emotional energy to deal with your problems on top of their own. It was a long conversation with a lot of long sighs from Will and wild gesticulation from Nursey, but it led to moments like this where they better understand each other. Will doesn't need to ask Nursey to settle down, because Nursey must realize from Will's posture that he's already stressed.

Will sits up to clear half the couch for Nursey, who immediately scoots up onto it. "I'm stressed out, but not over anything new. It can wait. You go first."

With permission to dump his stress onto Will, Nursey throws his papers on the ground, lays his legs into Will's lap, and throws an arm over his eyes, all quite dramatically. Absolutely ridiculous, Will thinks. He leaves Nursey's legs in his lap but pulls off his shoes because he doesn't feel like washing that mud gunk from everything they touch. He has enough work to do now that it's the end of the semester, and he doesn't need a stupid cleaning task piled on top of that.

"I had an exam last week in my Shakespearean studies class, a small test before our essay final. And I felt so confident when I was doing it! But I got it back today with a big red C on top and the most bullshit answer critiques in the margins. I have literally one day to go over the critiques and rewrite all of my answers for half credit. If the professor pulls the same shit on my essay, it'll tank my grade."

"That sucks." Will can sympathize; everyone has had that type of teacher at least once, no matter what department they're in. For Will, there were two professors like that: English 101 and Structures 223. "Let me know if you want an extra pair of eyes for that."

Nursey lets out a short laugh, shaking the couch with the abruptness of it. "Thanks but no thanks. You're not much of a poetry person."

Will shrugs. "Sounds fake but okay."

Nursey gasps and Will looks over to see a ridiculously giddy smile spread across his face. "Dex, was that a meme? Did you just use a meme?"

Will can't help but smile back. "Yes, I did. I'm a person that uses memes in conversation and likes poetry. Sorry to blow your mind."

"Tell me some poetry, Dexy," Nursey chirps, though it feels softer with the way his smile melts from mischief to something Will doesn't know how to define.

He doesn't need to comply with Nursey's request. He wasn't lying when he said he likes poetry, but it's been a while since he's read any, and he's not sure he remembers any lines clearly. It'd be easy to tell the truth, that he hasn't read anything in a while, and then name a few of his favorite authors, but he doesn't do that. Instead, this line spills from his lips.

"I was a monster so used to running from torches that I started to mistake your candle for the same."

The room is silent for a minute. Will hadn't meant to quote any poetry, let alone a line he wrote in an email, but the words are out and there's nothing he can do to reel them back in.

When Nursey eventually speaks, his voice is soft. His smile is even softer. He looks at his hands instead of Will. "That's beautiful," he tells Will, making his face flush. It's been a long time since anything about him has been called beautiful. Nursey looks up, that murderously gentle smile still on his face, and Will hopes his flush has settled down enough to not be suspicious. "Who wrote it?"

Will shrugs again because no way is he going to tell Nursey that those are his words. "Don't remember."

"Bullshit!" Nursey laughs, calling him out. "There's no point in holding out on me, I can just google it."

"Go ahead. Anyway, you said something about your bag breaking?" He tries to change the subject before Nursey realizes why he's being so evasive.

Nursey seems suspicious, but he mercifully lets the topic drop. Will assumes he'll either forget all about it or Google it later and chirp Will for quoting original poetry. Either way, it's out of the way for the moment. "The bottom fell out. It ripped along the seams all around and the entire bottom collapsed, dumping all of my stuff onto the sidewalk. Then, while I was trying to pick everything up, my phone started ringing, and ignoring a call from my mom would make her so sad. A fate worse than death."

He can relate; Will thinks he'd do almost anything to keep him mom happy. Answering her calls is the least he could do. And he does. They have a standing weekly phone call every Sunday night. He knows that Nursey doesn't talk to his moms as much, though, and he's normally more excited than annoyed when one of his mom does call. "How did the call go?"

Nursey groans and throws his arm over his face again. So dramatic. "It was good until she started bothering me about dating again." Will's heart thumps in his chest. "I keep telling her I want to focus on school and hockey right now, not finding my soulmate. But she won't leave me alone about it. She doesn't even care if it's my soulmate as long as I'm happy with someone. She's so worried about me being alone and I hate worrying her, but there's nothing I can do. I'm not gonna date someone just so my mom will get off my back about this."

Don't say it, Will tells himself, but the words are already out of his mouth. "I can date you."

"What?!" Nursey throws his arm from his face and scrambles to sit up, digging his feet into Will's legs as he moves. Will winces, more at Nursey's shriek than the pain.

"We can pretend to date," Will rushes to say, backtracking to explain his stupid outburst while Nursey stares at him with wide eyes. "So your mom stops bothering you about finding somebody. You said it doesn't matter if they're your soulmate or not, right?"

Nursey's expression shifts from frantic to pained, which Will doesn't think is a good sign. "I'm not gonna ask you to do that, Will."

The sound of his name on Nursey's lips sends a jolt through him and Will knows that, as stupid as this idea is, he'd gladly do something stupid if it means helping Nursey. "You didn't ask; I'm offering." To really sell it, he tells Nursey the answer to a decision he hadn't realized he'd already made. "I'm planning on staying at the Haus over the summer anyway. Going up to New York for a few days would be no problem."

"You're not going home?" Nursey asks, voice soft, even though he already knows the answer.

Will realizes it must be hard to believe, given how much Will loves and misses his family. But that's not enough to keep him there for that long. "I might visit for a few days later in the summer, but no, I'm not going to spend the summer there. The more time I spend around the people there, the harder it is to go back." He's afraid that, if he spends too much time there, he won't be able to convince himself to go back at all.

Nursey nods as if he understands, and maybe he does. They're best friends, but Will doesn't know a lot about Nursey's home life because he doesn't often talk about it. Will knows that Nursey has two moms, and he loves them a lot, but other than that there isn't much Will knows.

"You can stay with me for the summer, if you want. Fake dating or not, you have somewhere to go."

Will nods as if Nursey's offer doesn't give him an unhealthy amount of hope. He doesn't look at Nursey even though he feels that he should. "Thanks. There's a lot I want to do to renovate the Haus, so I plan on staying here for at least a while anyway, but thanks."

They sit in silence for a while, and it's not usual for them to be silent like this, but it's comfortable. Peaceful. They're silent because there's nothing they need to say, not because they don't know how to say it. There is no tension in the air to press a heavy weight down onto Will's chest, tight like a binder but even less forgiving.

"Let's do it," Nursey eventually exclaims, violently loud compared to the previous quiet. "The fake dating," he clarifies when Will watches him with wide, confused eyes. "It's worth it to see my mom happy. She'd be happy with anyone I bring home, as long as they make me happy, but I think she'll really like you."

"Why do you say that?" Will asks. He can't think of a single good reason for Nursey's mom to like him. They hated each other for their first year, and there have been several periods of tension between them since then. They're best friends now, or at least Will thinks of them that way, but there's no reason for this person to like him.

Nursey grins at Will, wide and happy. Will's heart thumps painfully in his chest. "You're my best friend, and you make me happy. Of course she'll like you." With a more devilish tilt of his grin, he adds, "Also, I'm totally roping you into cooking family dinner at least once while you're there. Once she finds out she's getting a home cooked gourmet meal, she'll love you instantly."

Will has never been so thankful that his mom is a culinary instructor. His skills have served him well on many occasions, like getting him that diner job, but he's not sure any of those occasions are as important as winning the favor of the mother of his crush. The whole thing will be a ruse, but Will can hope. For a while, he can pretend to have everything he's ever wanted.


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kidz Bop Party Time

They make plans to stay a few extra days at the Haus after everyone else leaves so Nursey can help Will on a few things. For a few things Will has planned for the Haus, two people are needed, and he can manage the tasks to minimize the likelihood Nursey somehow manages to get someone injured. He insisted they didn't need to stay, but Nursey offered so kindly, insisting on helping out at least a bit. He also said it was the least he could do if he was going to ask Will to do him the favor of installing a bookshelf in his room. He finally realized that leaving his books in leaning stacks on the floor wasn't a safe option.

So Will accepted his help, and now they are alone in the Haus for four days. Nursey pays for all the supplies needed for fixing up his room, and he pays for all groceries since it's the least he can do with Will is doing all the hard work. He also insists on paying Will for the labor he does building Nursey's new bookshelves. Will tells him it's not necessary, especially since that task is probably going to wait till the end of the summer, but he can't ignore the two hundred-dollar bills folded in half and tucked into the doorway of his basement bungalow. He can decide what to do with that later, after he's showered and changed out of his work clothes and cooked dinner.

It's all horribly domestic. Will works on the Haus and cooks meals. Nursey writes and does the dishes. They hardly argue, except over trivial things, and it's nice.

Then it's time for them to head out to New York, and Will is starting to panic. They hadn't come up with a cover story. Has Nursey ever talked to his moms about Will or is his existence in Nursey's life coming out of nowhere? Surely they won't believe Nursey is taking home someone he just started dating. They haven't even left yet and Will is freaking out, certain this plan will fail. He's an idiot for suggesting it.

Then Nursey says "Lets go" and smiles at him and closes the Haus' front door behind them, and it's too late for Will to back out now.

"I'll pull up directions on my phone," Nursey says, hoisting himself into Will's truck. They loaded most of their stuff into the back yesterday, so leaving is an easy ordeal. Get dressed and go. "Music?"

"Sure," Will mumbles, putting the keys into the ignition and thanking the universe that this isn't one of the times when his truck decides to randomly die on him. As nervous as Will is for this trip, he'd be even more nervous if something goes wrong and changes their plans. "CDs are in the glove compartment."

"No AUX cord?" Nursey asks incredulously, as if he actually expected this old thing to have new tech.

"No AUX cord."

The first few minutes of the drive are silent as Nursey flips through Will's CD case. He expects to be chirped over the selection, but Nursey says nothing about the collection primarily made up of what Nursey would call dad rock. Will is watching the road, so he doesn't see what CD Nursey puts in.

It's a fucking Kids Bop CD.

"Why?" Will asks, defeated. He is at Nursey's mercy; he can't safely reach over for the CD case and change the disc on his own without removing his hands from the wheel.

"I used to listen to this as a kid. I never had any of the CDs because my parents only listened to classical music, but my best friend had it." His voice is full of nostalgia, a velvety roll over the sound of children singing. "I put it on for the nostalgia factor, but also because I know it'll drive you insane."

Will huffs. Less than an hour into their trip and already Nursey is insufferable. "Don't make me turn this truck around, young man," he jokingly scolds in his best frustrated mother impression. It's the tone his mother would use when he and his brother would fight in the back seat on their way home from school.

Nursey barks out a laugh and it's difficult for Will to keep his eyes on the road instead of turning to watch.

They get through the first two songs before Nursey says "I regret everything" and switches CDs. It's some random band Will's mom gave him a CD of, and Will doesn't like them that much, but it's better than the Kids Bop. He should really filter through his CD collection and weed out the stuff he doesn't listen to anymore.

The Kids Bop CD might stay, though, for the same nostalgia that caused Nursey to slip it into the CD player. Will used to listen to that CD with his best friend, too. It's not surprising since Kids Bop was really popular back then.

His friend hasn't replied to his email, but he's not surprised. It's been five years since he last used that email.

"Are you still friends?"

"What?"

"The best friend with the Kids Bop CD, are you still friends with them?"

"Nah, we haven't talked since high school," he replies, voice low and melancholy. "It's chill, though. They know how to contact me if they decide to reach out."

It sounds so similar to Will's situation and he can sympathize, except he's the one that needed to reach out. Will can only hope that his childhood friend is as open to the idea of reconnecting as Nursey is.

His phone burns a hole in his pocket. Now he's the one waiting for a reply that may never come.


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fake dating fake dating fake dating

In the car, they decide how they're going to answer any questions Nursey's family throws at them.

If anyone asks, they've been dating since January, after they returned to Samwell from winter break. Nursey says it's because he couldn't imagine another school break without Will, because Nursey is a romantic sap. Will, in his need to one-up Nursey, insists he had to be the one to confess since Nursey, despite being a romantic, is a total klutz with zero chill. They decide that Will moved out of their room because he didn't know how to cope with his crush, but he's planning to move back in when they go back in the fall.

"Really, though, you can move back in if you want. Since I'm out of my cast, I promise to be less of a pain in the ass."

"I'll consider it," Will replies, although he already knows what his answer will be. He wants to get through this bad decision before he makes another one.

They spend the final hour of the drive coming up with their cover story, and it isn't enough preparation. Will feels completely unprepared.

"Mama is gonna be home in like half an hour so we should unpack while we wait," Nursey explains, unloading stuff from the back of Will's truck. "Mom will hopefully be home around the same time, but it depends on if they keep her late."

Nursey leads Will inside and straight up to his room. Will hadn't spent any time previously wondering what Nursey's bedroom would be like, but if he had, he would have probably been wrong.

The walls are covered in sticky notes, each covered in the same distinctive scrawl, though the tidiness of the handwriting varies drastically. Some look carefully written, some look like they were done in a hurry. They cover every part of exposed wall in the room except over the bed. The floor is clean and the desk is tidy. The queen bed has pastel yellow pillowcases and a floral comforter.

"Do you want a drawer?"

Will turns away from the bed to look at Nursey, who is standing next to a large dresser. "What?"

"For your stuff," he clarifies, gesturing to the dresser. "Do you want a drawer for your stuff?"

"Sure." Will walks over to the dresser with his bag and drops it on the floor.

"You can take the bottom drawer since it's already empty. I'll start with closet stuff."

They unpack in relative silence. Will sits on the floor and transfers his clothes to the dresser's bottom drawer, careful to keep his stuff sorted. It's easy given how huge the drawer is. He hums as he refolds the clothes and stows them away, a random tune that came to mind but he's not sure the name of.

When he looks up to ask Nursey if he needs any help, since Will is done putting his own stuff away, Nursey is staring again, like that day in the kitchen. "What?" Will asks, more curious than defensive.

Nursey must take it that way, because he flinches and goes "Sorry," quickly turning away.

"It's fine, just, what's up?"

"That song sounds so familiar," Nursey tells the sweater in his hands. "What is it?"

Will shrugs, though it's pointless since Nursey isn't looking his way. "I don't remember. It's some song I used to listen to as a kid, but I don't remember what it is."

He watches Nursey turn to him, and Will doesn't understand the expression Nursey faces him with. Confusion maybe? Hope? It's hard to tell even though Nursey is looking right at him. Will thought he understood Nursey's expressions by now, but right now he has no idea what's going through Nursey's mind.

"Were you-"

"Derek, honey, I'm home!" shouts a voice from downstairs, cutting off whatever Nursey was about to say.

The boys turn towards the door, then towards each other.

"Time to go downstairs," Nursey says, and he tries to smile but the shape of it doesn't quite fit.

Will follows him anyway and hopes that the smile he gives his mama will be more convincing.

They walk downstairs and go to the living room, where a tall redheaded woman is unpacking a large paper bag full of takeout containers onto the center coffee table. She looks up when she hears them approach and she looks strangely familiar. Will is certain he's never met her before, but something about her makes him feel like he's looking at someone he knows.

Something about her feels like looking in a mirror.

It makes sense. Will used to have the long curly red hair, nearly the same shade. Her eyes are a warm brown and she has more freckles than Will has had the time to earn yet this summer, but he can imagine that he'd look a lot like her in the future if he wasn't openly transgender. He got his looks from his dad’s side of the family, and his brother looks like their mom, so he doesn't often see people that look like him. It's creepy, like gazing into a looking glass and seeing what horrible, unhappy future you could have had.

But he's staring like an asshole, he realizes when Nursey nudges him, so Will plasters on a smile and holds out a hand. "Hi, I'm Will."

The woman smiles back and Will sees less of himself in her; he never smiles so openly, baring all his teeth in a kindness instead of a threat. Will relaxes. "Hello, Will. I'm Quin. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Quin is my mama," Nursey explains as he gives her a quick hug. "She's great at scrabble, probably because she's an editor at a publishing house, but she's a terrible cook."

"Which is why I'm so excited for you to cook for us sometime this week!" Quin beams, and Will is starting to wish that he saw more of himself in her again. He's not miserable, but he's not that unabashedly happy either. "Just let us know what day you'd like to cook and we'll make sure to be home early for dinner."

They exchange a few more pleasantries as they take a seat on the living room furniture. The coffee table is unusually large for a coffee table, and it is framed on three sides by couches, the fourth side framed by a television. The two side couches are two-seaters, and the couch along the long side is a three-seater. Quin takes one of the side couches and insists the "big strong college athletes" need the extra room of the big couch. Will admits that it's nice to not have to squish into a small couch with a bunch of hockey players like he does at the Haus.

"Derek, honey, can you grab some plates from the kitchen please?"

Nursey stands from his seat, bumping knees with Will. "Sure, mama," he says to Quin. Then, to Will, he says, "I'll be right back, love."

Will knew what he was getting into, but holy shit he was not prepared to hear Nursey use petnames on him. His face flushes a warm red and he feels it swirl down his throat. One little word and Will is a cooked lobster.

"I think they like us for the blush," Quin jokes with a laugh reminiscent of tinkling bells. "The first time I met Derek's mom, I was red as a firetruck, and she thought it was the cutest thing. Like mother like son." She stands and goes over to a bookshelf along the wall, talking as she walks. "Derek actually had the biggest crush on this little redheaded girl when he was a kid. This was before I came into the picture, but photos of the two fill up half a photo album. I'm sure it's here somewhere. Derek has the cutest baby photos."

Will isn't sure he wants to see Nursey's baby photos, especially since Nursey isn't in the room to agree to the sharing of them, but he doesn't know how to say no. He watches her skim the albums on the wall and hopes Nursey returns quickly in case he doesn't want the photos seen.

The front door opens and Will turns towards it, taking the distraction.

Will has no idea what Nursey's dad looks like, but he definitely gets his looks from his mom. She shares his grey-green eyes, dark dense curls, and charming smile.

"I'm home!" she shouts into the room. She turns to the living room space and her smile flickers. Great, she hasn't even officially met Will and she already doesn't like him. She refastens her smile but it doesn't look quite the same, not as genuine. "You must be Will," she greets, removing her shoes then walking over. She sits on a side couch and doesn't offer to shake Will's hand. "I'm Lenore."

"It's nice to meet you," Will tries to say politely, but it comes out more like a mumble. He's only just met her and things are already falling apart. He wishes Nursey would hurry up with those dishes. What's taking so long?

And why does Lenore look so oddly familiar? Not familiar in the same way as Quin, with her springy red curls and cherry-tinted cheeks, but familiar in the traditional sense. Will doesn't know where from, but he thinks he's seen her before.

"Found it!" Quin shouts, triumphantly holding up a photo album. She brings it over to Will on the large couch, stopping to give Lenore a hello kiss on the cheek on her way, and plops down next to Will. She starts flipping through the pages looking for a specific page but Will isn't watching.

He's watching Lenore, who is staring at him as if trying to decipher him. As if she recognizes him, too, but actually remembers where from. He's tempted to ask her, but then Quin exclaims "Here it is!" and puts a hand on Will's arm and draws his attention to the photo album in her lap.

Staring up at him are two little girls with big matching smiles. One girl has curly brown hair tamed into a braid hung over her shoulder and eyes that are more green than grey. The other girl has big red unruly curls partially obscuring her face and hiding her ears. Her giant ears, far too big for her tiny head, that she never really grew into.

Will needs space to breathe.

"Excuse me, can I step out for a minute? I forgot to call my mom and tell her I got here safely." The excuse falls from his lips easily, and he barely listens for a reply before heading to the front door.

It makes sense. Nursey's trans, too. He had a childhood friend that cut him off in high school. He recognized that stupid Kids Bop CD. Every time he catches Will humming, he says it sounds familiar. It makes so much sense and Will doesn't understand how he hadn't thought of the possibility sooner. But they're a lot different, in appearance and personality, than they were as kids, so his inability to connect the dots makes sense too.

Will wasn't lying when he said he should call his mom, so he pulls his phone from his pocket and calls the first number in his speed dial.

"Hi, Will!"

"Mom, I found her," Will says in a rush, the words pushing out like water from a fire hose. He needs to get the words out, and he needs to talk to someone who can make sense of them. "My childhood friend. I found her, and you won't believe who she is."


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come fro Dex to come to terms with something he had never thought would happen.

Eventually, he needs to go back to Nursey's house. Will knows this. He can't keep walking around Nursey's neighborhood on the phone with his mom while they wait for him to return. But he's not ready to face Nursey, knowing who he used to be.

"Go back, sweetheart," his mom tells him, voice tinny through the receiver. "You've never been one to hide."

But he is, so he wanders around for another five minutes after hanging up before making his way back to Nursey's place.

They’re sitting on the living room couches, food spread out in front of them on the coffee table, waiting for him. There's food dished out onto plates, each with a fork beside it, untouched. And they all turn to look at him when he opens the front door and slips in.

"Welcome back, Will!" Quin greets cheerfully, and he lets out a sigh. At least she isn't letting it be awkward. "How was your phone call? I hope your mother doesn't mind us borrowing you for a few days."

"The call went well, she's just worried about me," Will says, trying to stick as close to the truth as he can. He joins them in the living room and takes his seat next to Nursey. He sits close, pressing their sides together even though there's plenty of room. More than for the fake dating ruse, he needs this to help ground him in the moment and stop him from freaking out. "My brother's staying at school for a summer internship, and I'm spending most of the summer at the hockey Haus to do renovations, so it's her first summer home alone."

"You're not going home at all?"

"I'm going for a week in July for her birthday, because there's no way I would miss her birthday, but I'll be spending the rest of the summer at Samwell. The team and I figured out budget and supplies before anyone left, so I just need to put in the labor."

"Interesting," Lenore says, and Will stiffens. He doesn't like the way she watches him, carefully calculating "And you'll be doing all the work yourself? Where did you learn how to do all of that?"

Will shrinks into himself, and he tells himself to chill. This isn't some hostile transphobe to shy away from; this is his friend’s mom. "Nursey, I mean Derek," he says, lifting a hand to rest it on Nursey's arm, "helped me with a few things before we left, but I'll be doing the rest myself. I learned how to fix kitchen appliances from my mom, and everything else I learned from my uncle, the brother that she learned from."

She's still watching him like a cell under a microscope, and Will fears that if she asks another question he may burst out crying. He's so overwhelmed.

Nursey moves his arm so that he can link fingers with Will, and he squeezes. Will squeezes back. "Will's great at a lot of things and I really appreciate him." He turns to Will and stares at him adoringly, which really sells the whole thing, making Will's heart simultaneously skip and sink. "I'm lucky to have him."

"We're lucky to have each other," Will mumbles back, knowing this is the reason why he's here. The situation is a ruse, but the words are genuine; Will is lucky to have Nursey in his life, especially after letting him go the first time.

Quin, the kind and merciful Quin, announces that it's high time they eat, before the food gets any colder.

Nursey apparently knows what Chinese food Will likes because he made Will a plate, and there isn't a single thing on the plate that he won't eat. Will tries not to think about it with each forkful he eats.

Will doesn't have the emotional energy to partake in conversation, so he lets Nursey do all the talking for him while they eat. He answers all his moms’ questions about them and Will only has to occasionally nod or say a quick thing. Nursey keeps his leg pressed to Will's, and he sometimes leans into him, and it's exactly what Will needs to get him through this.

Once they're done eating and talking, it's time for a movie. Quin makes popcorn from kernels, apparently the one thing she can cook, and Nursey makes another abomination of a concoction. Will chirps him for it and makes his own bowl. For a moment, it almost feels normal.

He must have been more tired than he thought, because he falls asleep on Nursey's shoulder on the couch.


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a serious conversation and a blanket burrito

"Will, sweetheart," says a voice over Will. He slowly opens his eyes and blinks the sleep away, revealing Quin leaning over him. "Honey, it's time for bed."

Will slowly nods his head. He hears another voice, lower, and looks to the side to see Lenore helping Nursey up the same way Quin is helping him. The mothers help the two boys upstairs to Nursey's room, which Will thinks is pretty impressive given how big and useless the two sleepily lumbering hockey players are. They practically drop the boys on the bed and leave, shutting the door behind them.

With what little energy he has, Will forces himself up. "Get up," he says to Nursey, shoving him harder than he had meant to. "Pajamas."

Nursey groans but gets up.

The pair changes into pajamas and Will makes himself go to the bathroom. This way he won't wake up in an hour to piss and he won't have the nasty film of popcorn butter stuck on his tongue in the morning. He pokes and prods Nursey until he does the same.

Will passes out before Nursey returns from the bathroom, but he must have gone to bed because he is there when Will wakes up in the morning. He's sprawled out on top of the covers, while Will is tucked under the covers, so Will has to worm his way out from under the comforter to get up.

He checks his phone; it's a little after eight in the morning. He's lucky his body let him sleep that late, since he's used to being up no later than 6:30am each morning during the school year, and even earlier during the school break work season. Normally this time of year he'd be back on his uncle's lobster boat, up bright and early at 4am, then heading straight to the diner after a shower and change of fishy clothes.

Nursey, who is never awake before noon unless he has to be, will probably be asleep for a few more hours, so Will grabs his laptop from his backpack and brings it down to the living room. He doesn't have any work to do since the semester is over, but he can work on some exercises to keep his skills sharp during the lull. Will settles into a corner of the large couch with his computer in his lap, music playing softly through his headphones.

He doesn't hear when Lenore approaches him about an hour later. She just appears in the corner of his vision scaring the shit out of him nad making him nearly drop his computer. "Good morning," he tells her when he's regained his composure and picked up his laptop from where it slipped next to him on the couch.

She sits on the same side couch as last night, a clear glass of water in her hands. "Good morning, Will," she says before taking a sip, and Will thinks maybe this won't be as hard as he thought. She looks up at him pointedly and says, in a tone that gives away something hidden beneath, "Short hair suits you."

Will was wrong; this will be the death of him.

"He doesn't know, does he?"

Will shakes his head and tries to calm down. These are facts and she isn't accusing him. Why does he feel as if he's being accused of something? "I don't think so. I just found out yesterday."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I have to, right? It wouldn't be fair to him not to."

"You might as well go wake him now and tell him, because otherwise he'll lose the morning to sleep."

Will shakes his head again. "I don't feel right waking him. I don't mind keeping myself busy until he's up."

"Will, look at me." Lenore's voice has grown hard, and Will feels obligated to listen to her. She speaks with the tone of a leader and Will is too frightened not to follow. There is a deep crease in her brow as she frowns at him. This isn't even his own parent and the 'disappointed mom' look is killing him. "If you don't go wake my son up and talk to him right now, I will wake him up myself. Do you understand?"

"But why?" They haven't known the truth for years already, since they started at Samwell. What difference does a few more hours make?

"The sooner Derek is up and this is out of the way, the sooner I get to spend time with my son and his boyfriend."

Internally, Will breathes a sigh of relief. She realized who he used to be, but she hasn't figured out that their dating is a trick. That's the secret that matters.

"Okay," Will agrees eventually. "I'll go wake him up now." He sets his laptop aside on the coffee table and gets up to go.

"Will." He stops and looks at Lenore again. In this moment, she looks the most like Nursey that he has seen her. She has the same smile Nursey does at the start of what promises to be a long day, tired before the day has started but excited for the sense of accomplishment that will come with it. Something great will happen today, and it may be tiring, but it will be worth it. "Make my boy happy."

"I hope to," he tells her with a smile of his own before turning away.

He climbs the stairs nervously writing a script in his head. What is he supposed to say to Nursey? How will he explain waking him up, and how will he explain everything he needs to say after that? What words could possibly convey how sorry he is for walking away? He wanted to reconnect with his childhood friend, but he had no idea it would happen like this and he's not prepared.

Nursey is asleep in his bed, as they expected he would be. Will approaches slowly, quietly, buying time to think. But he reaches the bedside far too quickly and he is out of time to think. It's time to explain.

"Nursey, wake up," Will says, voice low, giving Nursey's shoulder a gentle shove. He mutters and turns over but shows no sign of waking, so Will pushes again, harder. "Nursey, you need to wake up. Now."

Nursey rolls over again, this time to return to facing Will. He slowly opens his eyes just a little, squinting up at Will. "What? I'm trying to sleep," he mumbles, and Will can barely understand the words. His sleepy face is cute, though, and it almost distracts Will enough for him to let Nursey go back to sleep.

Will has a mission, though, and he must complete it, lest Lenore come up and do it for him.

"Derek, please. We need to talk."

That ominous phrase does its job, and Nursey slowly sits up, rubbing his eyes. "What's going on? Did something happen?"

"Don't worry, everything's fine. I just need to tell you something." Will sits on the edge of the bed. This way, if he panics, he'll at least be sitting down.

"Is it about the childhood friends thing? Because I read your email last night."

Right, he's panicking. "You what?" he squeaks out, hating the way his voice cracks when he's nervous. "When?"

"I checked my email when I went to the bathroom," he explains, the sleepiness fading from his voice with each word. He stares down at his hands in his lap instead of at the incredibly anxious Will next to him. "I suspected, but I wasn't sure." He finally, or maybe unfortunately, looks at Will and he shivers. Nursey has looked at him hundreds of times, but this gentle expression is so rare that it sends a jolt through Will every time. He reaches out a hand and Will, hand shaking, entire body shaking, takes it. Nursey must feel Will quake but he doesn't mention it. Instead, he gives Will the most heart-melting smile he has ever seen. "I'm glad it's you."

Will squeezes tight then releases the hand. It surprises him when Nursey, instead of letting go like Will did, holds on tighter. "Really, Will. We managed to find each other again years later and become best friends again. You are my fate, woven from golden thread into the fabric of the universe, as certain as the color of the sky and the feel of sand beneath feet." He waxes poetic as he rubs circles on the back of Will's hand with his thumb, and for a moment Will feels like he has everything he has ever wanted.

Then he remembers that, no matter how much he wants Derek Nurse, there is no sign of a soulmate connection tying them together, and that means there is someone else out there waiting to fall in love with Derek Nurse.

He pulls his hand away, tinted gold in the slivers of light filtering through the closed blinds. He musters his best attempt at a smile, an easy feat when Nursey looks at him with a soft smile. "Let's go downstairs. Lenore is waiting for us."

Nursey rolls his eyes and says "Of course she is," which makes Will chuckle. "I bet you would've let me sleep till noon."

"That's exactly what I planned to do, but she said that she'd wake you up if I didn't."

Will watches as Nursey climbs out of bed, getting tangled in the blankets and nearly falling to the ground. If Will hadn't been standing so close and watching so carefully, he wouldn't have caught Nursey as he tumbled.

He stares down at the guy in his arms, staring back up at him. Nursey's expression of shock morphs into something playful, a quirky grin on his lips. "Well, Will, I guess I fell for you."

Will drops him onto the mound of blankets on the floor. "Now you've fallen for me twice," he jokes, though the quip feels stiff.

"Been there, done that," Nursey tells him from the floor, grin still on his face. "Now help me up, Poindorkster."

They laugh together when Nursey pulls Will down on top of him and rolls them into a blanket burrito.

"Come on, your mom's waiting for us!"

"But Dexy, we're a breakfast burrito!" Nursey gasps, and he brings his hands up to squish Will's cheeks, which is impressive since his arms were tucked pretty tightly into the blankets. "Can you make pancakes?"

"Are they better than Bitty's?" Will mumbles through smushed lips.

"If I answer honestly do I get pancakes?"

"Yes."

Nursey loosens his grip on Will's face. Cheeks no longer smushed, Will can properly speak, but he's waiting to hear the verdict of his cooking adventures.

"Your pancakes are so much better than Bitty's," Nursey tells him, and Will breaks out in a wide grin. He knew it! "Like, they're weirdly good."

"That happens when your mom is a culinary instructor; you learn how to make pancakes and you work at a diner."

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. I forgot about that part.”

It takes a few more minutes of wiggling, but Will finally convinces Nursey to head downstairs and start the day. Their clothes and hair are all messed up, and the sports bra Will put on this morning is uncomfortably twisted, but he's happy. Nursey knows who he is and who he has been, and Nursey is still willing to roll around in a blanket and whine till he gets pancakes. By the time they meet with Nursey's moms downstairs and make breakfast, Nursey hasn't given Will a chance to be uncomfortable. They're acting as they always have, with an extra sugar-coated layer for the benefit of Nursey's moms. Will doesn't have everything, but he pretends to.

He doesn't need to have everything to be happy.


	17. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fake dating is torture.

Pretending to date Nursey is a sweet torture. They sit close and use petnames and exchange warm smiles, but Will knows there is nothing behind it. Nursey would have told him if there were feelings there, right? He knows that Will likes him since he confessed it in that email to his friend, so he would have said something to Will if he felt the same. This must be his way of letting Will down gently, so Will accepts it silently and appreciates it while it lasts.

They cuddle on the couch while watching a movie with Nursey's moms.

Nursey helps Will cook dinner by keeping up with dirty dishes and stirring a pot and dishing out the food, occasionally pressing against Will's back and looking over his shoulder to check on the food.

They share Nursey's bed at night but mostly stay on their own sides. One morning, Will wakes up with their hands entwined. Another morning, he's fully encased in Nursey's arms when he wakes up and he wiggles his way out of the grip before Nursey can wake up and realize what position they're in. Being affectionate for the sake of the ruse is one thing, but Will doesn't want to make Nursey uncomfortable.

But then Nursey and Will are home alone and Nursey asks to kiss him, and Will does not understand.

Lenore and Quin are both at work. Nursey and Will have the day to do whatever they want, but they've already explored New York the past few days and they decide a day in would be perfect. They order takeout for lunch so Will doesn't have to put in the effort to cook. Nursey is wearing a tank top, toned arms exposed and it's making Will swoon. Will himself is wearing a flannel because the hefty material is comforting, but he's getting warm and starting to wish he wasn't so bundled. The brush of the material against his skin is worth it, though, he so leaves it on and lets it act as a wall between him and the unattainable. They're watching a show on the television and making commentary and laughing. Will has never laughed this much with anyone that isn't his mom or brother.

They are laughing at the television, and Will turns to look at Nursey, and Nursey is already looking at him, body shaking with giggles. Will's laughter chokes him, cutting short as the thought that Nursey is beautiful chases away any other thought in Will's mind. Nursey stops chuckling too, though it's more gradual and less embarrassing than choking on a wave of affection. The laughter stops, but the smile stays, and Will wonders what he did to deserve this, both the blessing and the torture.

"Can I kiss you?"

Will jerks back. He hadn't realized how close their faces were, but he needs to create space between them before he says something stupid like yes.

"Isn't that kinda far to go for fake dating?" Will asks with a fake smile on his lips. He knows it's not convincing but it's all he can muster. "Nobody's even here but us." 

Nursey's smile falters, melting into a frown. The soft curves of his face harden. "What are you talking about?"

"There's no one here for us to put a show on for. You don't need to do all this."

"Wait, I'm not following," Nursey says slowly, leaning forward, staring into Will's eyes. "We're not dating for real?"

"No!" Will automatically exclaims, though that's obviously the wrong answer because Nursey shrinks back into himself. His chill, a facade that was never really aimed at Will before, rises and creates a wall between them. Will knows, before Nursey speaks a word, that something is wrong.

"It's chill. I shouldn't have assumed you still liked me. That email was from weeks ago."

"What?" There is a lot of confusion going on here, because apparently Nursey thinks Will not liking him is a bad thing, which wouldn't be the case if he didn't like Will. They're both idiots, and this is one more example of how shitty communication keeps getting in the way of their friendship. "Of course I still like you. You didn't say anything so I thought you were trying to let me down gently."

The chill facade falls, revealing the genuine Nursey again. He's not quite back to his smiley self, but his confused frown is better than his fake smile. "I thought I was being obvious. I told you we were fated!"

"That doesn't have to be romantic! It could have totally been a platonic statement." Will pauses to think. He's not sure what this means, but he has a guess, because apparently he's more dense than he'd realized. "It wasn't a platonic statement?"

Nursey begins to laugh, and for a moment Will is offended, but then Nursey leans forward and grabs Will's hands in his own. His grip is tight, but not painfully so. Like he's trying to make sure Will doesn't run away like a skittish animal. "With you, nothing has ever been platonic."

Will stares blankly at Nursey wondering how the fuck he is supposed to reply to a grand confession like that. All words have left him and he can do nothing but stare.

Eventually Will's silence must worry Nursey because his smile droops and he asks, "Hey are you okay?"

Will is okay. He has to be okay, because Nursey is sitting there staring at him and holding his hands. Will looks down at their hands. They look nearly gold in the glisten of the midday sun shining through the windows.

He pulls his hands away from Nursey's grip. Nursey nearly protests, but is quickly silenced when Will moves his hands to Nursey's cheeks and lunges forward to catch his lips in a kiss.

This kiss is a disaster, because of course it is. Their noses bump together harshly and Nursey accidentally hits Will's lips with his teeth and someone's face is bleeding but they're not really sure whose. They part laughing. It goes better the second time.


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get to be happy for five minutes.

Fake dating is a lot easier when the dating isn't fake. It helps to know that, every time Nursey holds his hand or kisses his forehead or calls him dear, it's from a place of genuine caring. Will finally knows what it's like to have someone to hold at night that won't pull away in the morning.

Reality returns to him eventually.

He isn't supposed to hear the conversation, he knows. He's supposed to be upstairs showering, but Nursey spilt soda on Will's sweatpants earlier and he just realized he doesn't have another pair clean. He could borrow a pair of Nursey's without asking, he doubts he'd mind, but Will wouldn't feel right borrowing anything from him without permission. He creeps down the stairs and towards the kitchen where Nursey and Lenore are washing the dishes together. He doesn't mean to listen to them, and he doesn't mean to linger.

"You really care about this boy, don't you? You always have."

"Yeah, mom. I think he's it for me."

Will's heart jolts in his chest. He always knew where his heart lay, but he didn't know Nursey's lay in the same place.

"Is he your soulmate?"

"No sign yet, but I believe in the universe that brought us together twice. It doesn't matter if we're soulmates because fate is on our side."

Afraid to hear more words not meant for his ears, aware that he's already heard far too much, Will slowly and silently backs away from the kitchen and goes back upstairs. He'll just borrow a pair of Nursey's pants without asking.

Just because he doesn't interrupt the conversation he accidentally eavesdropped on doesn't mean he's going to not tell Nursey what happened. It wouldn't be right for Will to keep it a secret.

When Nursey comes back upstairs to his room, Will is waiting, sitting at the end of his bed. The moment the door is closed behind Nursey, Will stands and lunges at him, tossing his arms around him in a tight, desperate hug.

"Hey! What's going on?" Nursey asks, automatically returning the embrace.

"I heard you and your mom talking," Will mumbles into his neck. "I went down to ask for pants, it wasn't on purpose."

"What did you hear?" Nursey asks nervously, and for a moment Will wonders what Nursey could have said for him to be nervous about what Will might have overheard. "I said some embarrassing stuff," Nursey explains with a chuckle and Will relaxes. Nursey embarrassing himself is nothing new.

"You were sappy, that's all. I just didn't feel right hearing a private conversation between you and your mom and not telling you."

Nursey groans, definitely embarrassed, and tightens his grip on Will. Will doesn't mind. Nursey always takes Will's breath away, so the tight grip doesn't make much of a difference. "How sappy?"

"I'm it for you and it doesn't matter if we're soulmates."

Nursey chuckles. "Oh, so the sappiest."

"Yeah, but it's nice to know we're on the same page for once."

Nursey must think it's nice, too, because he spends the rest of the night peppering kisses on Will's face and neck. And when they sleep, it is with Nursey's front plastered against Will's back and Nursey's hands splayed against Will's chest under his thin tee shirt. It's too warm in the summer heat, even with the air conditioning on, and Will is the happiest he's ever been.


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time comes for Will to leave the Nurse home. He doesn't make it very far.

Will is scheduled to leave the next morning to go back to Samwell. He doesn't have to go, his invitation to stay with Nursey's family was extended and extremely tempting, but he needs some space to breathe. To think. A lot has happened over the last few days and Will needs to collect himself.

He's happy, dangerously so. He's afraid this happiness won't last even though he desperately hopes it will. Nursey was right; the universe brought them together twice, and they fell in love each time, so whether or not they're soulmates shouldn't matter. Lenore and Quin aren't soulmates and they're perfectly happy together. Their happiness will only run out if they let it.

But Will is nervous, as he always is. What if something goes wrong?

Then Nursey tightens his grip on Will's waist, still deep in sleep, and Will relaxes. They're in it together and nothing can part them now.

Except for Will's alarm, which starts screaming on the nightstand.

It's not terribly early. It's not even kind of early by Will's standards, because it's only eight. But staying with Nursey has made him lazy and he feels like it's four-thirty getting up to work a six a.m. diner shift.

Will untangles himself carefully from Nursey to get ready. He skips showering since he took one last night, so he just brushes his teeth and changes into a fresh shirt and makes sure all of his things are packed. While double-checking his bags, he notices a shirt he knows he hadn't put there on his own. It's a deep forest green tee shirt far too soft for Will to afford. The only way it could have gotten into his back was if someone, meaning Nursey, put it in there on purpose. Will swaps into that shirt and stuffs the other one into his bag.

Ready to go in the physical sense but not emotionally, Will stands at the foot of Nursey's bed and lets out a deep sigh. This was good. He has to believe the happiness will last.

He climbs back into the bed and shoves Nursey gently, who slowly blinks his eyes open. When he sees Will, he smiles. "Hi."

"Hey, Nursey. I'm heading out."

"No," Nursey whines, but he makes no move to stop Will.

Will presses a kiss to Nursey's forehead. "I'll call you when I get back to Samwell. Get some more sleep."

Nursey murmurs something vaguely like an affirmative and Will gives him an extra kiss for good measure.

Will said most of his goodbyes last night so there is nothing else keeping him here. He grabs a muffin from the counter and eats half of the thing in one bite, needing the energy to get through the drive. He eats the other half with his bag slung over his shoulder walking to his truck.

It feels so weird leaving Nursey's house. He was only there a few days, but he felt so welcome there. Like it was the third home that they offered for it to be.

He doesn't stay away long because, approximately five minutes into his drive, Will's phone starts to ring.

Will is a responsible driver so he pulls into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant before answering. He picks up quickly so the call doesn't drop, not wasting time checking the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Will!" Nursey shouts into the receiver, making Will recoil. He lowers the phone volume before Nursey can continue speaking. ""Will, you're not far, right? You need to come back. You won't believe this."

He sounds more excited than distressed so Will tries not to panic. Whatever this is, it's important enough to make Will turn around. "Okay, I'm only five minutes away."

"Hurry up! Drive safely because I don't want anything to happen to you, but hurry up as much as you can while driving safely!"

Will hangs up and leaves the parking lot, driving back the way he came. During the short drive he wonders what could have possibly happened in the ten minutes or so since he last spoke to Nursey, especially something to make him so excited, and nothing comes to mind. It could be anything and that concerns him. His main concern is that it managed to turn Nursey from snoozing soundly to wide awake at eight-thirty in the morning. Nursey is never that awake this early. Ever.

He parks his truck and leaps out, bounding up the walkway to Nursey's home, moving as quickly as possible.

Nursey is waiting for him on the front steps wearing a hoodie, hands in the pockets, and it strikes Will as odd. It's early in the summer but it's still far too hot for him to be wearing a hoodie right now. He's smiling brighter than Will has ever seen, which Will hadn't realized was possible, and his grin widens impossibly.

"What's going on?" Will asks as soon as he's within hearing distance.

Nursey reaches out a hand as if for Will to shake, and Will wonders what the fuck. He stares down at the hand and it takes him a while to realize there's something weird about it.

Nursey's hand is a bright, glimmering gold.

He takes the other one out of the hoodie pocket and that hand is the same glimmering gold. He rolls up his sleeves and reveals more gold trailing up the underside of his arms.

Will is transfixed by the gold so he doesn't watch Nursey's mouth when he says "Take your shirt off."

Will still doesn't quite understand what's going on but he complies anyway. He pulls the soft green shirt over his head and holds it in his hand, standing there shirtless in front of Nursey, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Look!" The golden hands gesture at Will's chest so he looks down, and.

Wow.

Just like Nursey's hands, there is a smear of gold spread across Will's chest, thicker in some areas and wavering in others. Either way, it is unmistakably unnatural and Will has no idea how the color could have appeared. It matches Nursey, though, and he feels like that should mean something. He knows he's missing something obvious but he's so stunned that he can't figure out what.

"What..."

The golden hands reach out to grab Will's and Will lets Nursey pull him in. They're close enough to breathe each other's breath, close enough to stare each other down and know the other won't flinch. They're together.

They're soulmates, Will finally realizes.

"Holy shit," he whispers, a smile breaking out on his face. "Holy shit!" he repeats, louder this time.

"I know!" Nursey whisper-shouts, mirroring Will's enthusiasm. "I'm not really sure how it works, but I think it's because I shoved my hands up your shirt last night."

Will gets flashes of memories, moments of gold, and he understands. "It happens when we touch for a while. This happened before, but we weren't touching for long so I thought it was the sun playing tricks on me. As fast as it appeared it disappeared."

Nursey grins at Will, so close that Will nearly goes cross-eyed from watching how pretty he is. And Nursey is very pretty. "I told you fate was on our side."

Will presses even closer, leaning his forehead on Nursey's. He has no doubt that if they stay there long enough their foreheads will turn a beautiful gold. "You didn't doubt it for a second, did you?"

"No," Nursey confesses, his lips brushing against Will's as he speaks, "I've never doubted you."

They stand like that on the front steps for an embarrassingly long time, in clear view of the street. Anyone walking by could see them standing there, faces pressed together and turning gold. They would see a pair of old friends and new lovers, soulmates that found each other in the process of losing each other and finding themselves. Finding each other again and again.

Sometimes, the past is worth looking back on. Sometimes, the past moves forward with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope yall enjoyed this! It was Really fun for me to write, and I'm delighted to be part of this event.


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